I’m now in Italy for decades and speak Italian fluently. Often if I walk into a coffee bar in the morning before I even open my mouth I’m addressed in English. Calling a spade a spade: it’s actually racial profiling. In other words, looking at me, making an assessment of my background and nationality and race and then opting for English.
Sometimes when I’m with my Italian husband. they look at us both and still decide English is the way to go.
It’s one of the most annoying things, but it will never stop. My body type, hair color and eye color speaks much louder than my language capabilities.
Sometimes my daughter asks why I tell Italians I’ve lived here 40 years and she feels I should just ignore and roll with it and carry on the conversation in English.
Hello, and thank you for your comment! As someone who definitely will never look like he’s from Southern Europe, I have had the same experience many times in Italy, Spain and Portugal. I agree that it’s frustrating, and that you could call this “racial profiling”. However, I hesitate to do so, for the following reason…
In the US, the term “racial profiling” is primarily associated with policing—the police are trying to decide who to stop. In the Italian café scenario, the barista is actually trying to decide how best to help you. I am not sure that they are using English is a derogatory way. When this happens to me, I try to separate the slight to my ego from the facts of the situation, which is that this person has to serve me in some language, and they think this is the one to go with. From that perspective, I don’t see it as malign.
What can we do about it? Well, one tactic that I take is the speak early to establish the language. I figure that if I greet this person in good Italian, they are unlikely to switch over to English on me. In other words, even if my looks say “foreigner”, I can allow my voice to say “local”. I find that this can help.
I use the term “racial profiling“ half in jest although technically speaking that’s what it is. And that doesn’t have to imply something derogatory as it does in the US. Sadly, that’s what we’ve come to understand the term to mean. Anyhow, if this is the worst problem we have to face in our lives. I would say we are in pretty good shape, right?
I’m deeply multilingual and I enjoyed this post. My approach is to keep smiling and speaking Portuguese—sometimes it takes people a few minutes to reconcile my North American appearance with the language coming out of my mouth. I like your analysis!
Obrigado, Justine! It is a perpetual source of frustration that people are judged by their appearance, but forging ahead without getting upset is probably the best approach.
This is the most detailed exploration of a topic I encounter regularly but have never thought to analyze. It’s super entertaining and will likely lead me to overthink every conversation I have from now on! I’m currently reflecting on my own restaurant experiences: we’re dining in Italy, I ask my daughter what she wants to eat in Czech, my husband places his order in English, and I end up speaking to the server in Italian. Haha, my brain is always hurting.
Thank you, Cassandra! I hope your brain won't suffer from having read this! But you have to admit that it is a very interesting topic. (This is why some people become linguists, I guess.)
YES, how true is this! I'll never forget one particular occasion when, after having lived in Costa Rica for 10 years with a Spanish-speaking partner and friends, having an MA in Applied Linguistics and a BA in Spanish, and attaining a high above-average level of fluency...a server kept ignoring me when I spoke and looking at my partner and talking directly to him in Spanish for the order, even when I was there saying the exact same words. 🤣 I think he just couldn't reconcile my face with the language coming out of my mouth.
Yeah, Ash, I do wonder whether there is a bit of racial profiling and a maybe a bit of sexism at play here. (See similar discussions in the comments on this post.) At times people make a bit too many assumptions based on what we look like, it seems.
Hi, good article. Thanks for posting. I moved to Barcelona 21 years ago. I'd studied Spanish for a good few years before moving. (I first visited Barcelona in 1981) but soon found after re-locating that the Spanish they teach you in schools and universities in the UK is not the Spanish that locals speak on the streets — plus there was/is the added challenging factor of català.
My very local, and very popular, bar just along the street is frequented by educated locals, artisans, builders, teachers, journalists, middle-class professionals — in brief curious, energetic folk. I soon found that once they knew I was British they all wanted to practice their English on me. I wasn't practising any Spanish. So, I deliberately searched the neighbourhood for a friendly bar where NO-ONE spoke any English at all. It forced me to practice my Spanish (and, to a lesser extent, català). Made friends with a regular group of locals. We'd meet every evening after work for a drink and a chinwag and laughs. All good fun. And I became more comfortable with Spanish vernacular. For years. We became good friends. Then — BAM — covid-19. I did not leave our apartment for 11 weeks. No more daily meet-ups, no more chit-chat — just occasional whatsapp messages. As we emerged from the pandemic people had moved on to other barris and/or other jobs — the gang, the pandilla, la familia, had demobbed. My listening and speaking and comprehension tanked and has never recovered. A few of us, the core of the group, still meet up at least once a year — at 8am on August 15th, for breakfast, before venturing into Vlia de Gràcia for te first day of the Festes de Gràcia. I can still read castellà and can understand radio and TV news bulletins, but my conversation abilities, such as they were, are shot to bits, and I feel constantly embarrassed by my shortcomings. So, in brief, you are right to advise some measure of compentence with the language of your chosen destination before re-locating — but be aware that the version of the language as taught in your home country will not be the language as it is really spoken on the streets.
Bill this is a fascinating account. (Sorry I missed it until now.) I am sorry to hear that Covid torpedoed your social world; I hope you will be able to put together a new one. I lived in Gràcia for three months recently and loved it. But it's true that the linguistic situation is complicated by the co-existence of Spanish and Catalan. I can imagine that it must be challenging to find the right environment for improving one's fluency. I wish you much luck!
Living in Porto for two years and this is spot on! One day I can have a lovely service interaction in Portuguese, and another day they really want me to switch to English. It can depend on so many things.
A nice bit of linguistics-etiquette crossover substacking! Another factor here is one that you allude to: the growing dominance of English as the lingua franca of our globalized age. (Would the proper term be "lingua anglica"? I'm not sure about the correct Latin there, but you—having coined "substaco"—can correct me.) People are speaking English to you because, more and more, that's just what folks do.
On that point, this recent article in the New Yorker may be of interest to you:
Thank you, Mike! It's true that English is now without question the dominant lingua franca of the world (and yes, we still use that term), so it's not surprising when someone uses it with a tourist, for example. I can't imagine a waiter in Portugal, for example, trying French or German (much less Russian!) with a Chinese tourist.
I'm afraid I can't get through to the New Yorker article, but honestly, I'm soooo tired of the endless debate about whether language shapes thought or vice-versa. As a linguist, I've been reading this stuff for decades, and new ground is rarely broken.
I'm feebly attempting to learn Spanish. I don't have anyone to practice with locally. When I do find someone I get nervous and forget my grammar, stuttering out the right (core) words, most times wrong tense.
This week while on a road trip I had my first opportunity (in years) to practice ordering food (in Spanish) over the phone. I was successful in that she understood me, but unfortunately I ordered the wrong thing. I wanted a quarter leg of chicken with rice, beans and yuca... instead I got chicken and rice mixed, beans on the side, no yuca. Back to class I go!
I'm thrilled when I go to a Cuban or Puerto Rican restaurant and am understood and sometimes acknowledged in Spanish. If they respond in English I will ask if they understand me. Oftentimes this ends up being a lengthy conversation using both languages.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Patti. I know how frustrating it can be not to have good opportunities to practice. Have you ever considered trying one of those websites that allow you to do language exchange via video?
I also tend to get nervous when I don't feel confident in the language, and have also ordered the wrong thing at times. The only remedy, I think, is not to give up, but just to keep practicing. I think yuca do it! 😉
Gregory, reading this made me laugh! I am currently in Prague for a few days (with my German husband and his 89-year-old mother, but that is another matter) and when we stopped at the border to buy an autobahn e-ticket, the woman behind the window spoke Czech to me although I made my request in English! I replied automatically in Czech — very rusty, but suitable for transactional conversation— and she gave me my change in euros with a wink, instead of Czech crowns at the miserable posted rate (like the three people I observed ahead of me in line.
I lived here 33 years ago and have Czech (grand)parentage, hence the dormant language. Although I am so far from fluent after all these years, I have been constantly and consistently addressed in Czech the past two days. I find this bizarre, since we are speaking German in our little travel trio and are mostly in the heavily-touristed center where English has become commonplace.
I guess those Bohemian genes are showing!Literally!
That's fascinating, Caroline! I imagine that anyone who sees your deliciously vowel-free surname will take you for a Czech, but assuming that most people don't, you must really look Czech to them. And from that perspective, it's not surprising that they would address you in Czech, right? I mean, if a Berliner started speaking to someone who looked "obviously" German, why would they ask what language to speak?
I just find it all disconcerting, having too many languages on tap at the moment. I learnt Czech from English, so cannot in any way make the leap from speaking German (with mother-in-law) to speaking Czech (with anyone forward enough to speak to me in Czech). Today in a museum my brain short-circuited and in the middle of a conversation with the lovely museum lady, I found myself enthusiastically agreeing with “sim!”
Agreeing in Portuguese is never wrong. But I totally get it. I get saturated when I have three languages going; it someone asks me to speak a fourth, I melt down.
By the way, I've been thinking about your three-way date. I hope it went well.
I love how you frame this discussion through the lens of the fundamental attribution error, Gregory! Great perspective. I’d bump into the “switch to English” thing all the time when living in small-town Netherlands, which made learning the language more challenging, but eventually I found some people - my local coffee supplier, that sort of thing - who came to understand, enjoy, and support my Dutch-speaking attempts. 🙂 Grateful for those relationships!
Michael, I can imagine that the Netherlands is a very challenging place to try to use the local language, due to the generally high level of English proficiency there. Good that you did manage to find some people who were willing to work with you!
Living in Tokyo where barely anyone speaks English, I value the solicitude and ability of service staff and medical staff especially, to be flexible for the sake of communicational ease. Also I don’t really expect my social interactions to be the burden of often overworked and underpaid people. Recently at a seaside restaurant near Lisbon a young woman of Angolan origin flawlessly addressed customers in Portuguese, English, Spanish and German - very impressive. I think most people would see it as added value and care for foreigners and certainly don’t deserve to be addressed rudely for it.
I agree! Having worked as a waiter myself (and one who could proudly speak other languages when needed), I think that it is very good to be able to meet people where they are—provided that you are not going against their wishes. And there can be benefits from using more than one language, too. I have a doctor here who loves to speak to me in English, even though my Portuguese is better than his English. But because he speaks English slowly, I usually follow him well—and when I don't, I ask for clarification in Portuguese. 😄 Whatever works!
Thanks, Michael! I know what you mean. Have you tried speaking their language with a French or German accent, to see what happens? (Assuming that's not the language you're speaking), of course.) That could be fun! 😂
Gregory my brother in law speaks great English and sometimes we have conversations where he speaks in English and I speak in Spanish. That's always fun. :) I like that a lot. My wife is practicing her English now and for some reason a part of me is sad when she tells me she wants to practice her English more with me because that means I don't get to have fun speaking Spanish with her. You're right. There are some people that just like to or want to speak in a different language to practice. It's addicting! :)
This is a topic that is of great interest to me, Thomas, and I've been thinking about writing a piece about having a multilingual relationship with someone—something that many claim is impossible, but I know otherwise. I know what you mean about wanting to keep speaking Spanish, but it's good of you to give your wife the chance to develop. Maybe you could come up with a fun way to make sure there is a bit of equity? I remember, many years ago, trying something we called Swedish Saturday. I don't think we did it very regularly, but the idea was nice.
Gregory that’s a cool idea. I just got to give myself some reminders every day to talk to her in English. Maybe I can set a reminder on my phone or something. I get so busy that I just forget out of habit. :/
It’s such an interesting topic! In my experience, it depends on the situation. If I’m alone and someone tries to help me by speaking English, I usually ask them to switch to Portuguese. They’re often pleasantly surprised by this. However, if I’m in a group where most people aren’t fluent in Portuguese, we tend to mix both languages.
Disclaimer: My Portuguese skills are above basic but not fully conversational, which, surprisingly, has never bothered native speakers.
Thanks, Maria! I find that in most situations, people are very happy when you want to try to speak their language (and this is true of the Portuguese too). Obviously, we are always constrained by the context, though, like being in a linguistically mixed group. But people always seem to find a way to communicate!
We face this battle constantly and I have to say I find it very irritating. The victor is usually the language which everyone speaks best which can either be English or Italian, but to get to that conclusion takes a few skirmishes. We live half the year in Italy, I lived a decade in Rome; we are getting to the point that we speak well enough to be able to tell funny anecdotes in Italian - which is a pretty high level. We are way beyond the 1066 stage of restaurant ordering.
Most of the time we go into a bar it is evident that we speak easily well enough to order and there is a queue so all passes easily, but in restaurants we face the battle of the languages. I will refuse to back down and continue to speak Italian, Gianni (my English-Irish partner- that's the pseudonym we use for him Gianni Strainer - Jonny Foreigner) who is partly deaf and therefore doesn't speak Italian as well as quickly, will give way and let them speak English to us.
I think it is arrogant to come to a foreign country and expect others to speak English, without making an effort to speak the language. Having made the effort for decades I think is is rude to have the waiting staff refuse to speak Italian to us- we are clearly not struggling to communicate. Gianni on the other hand thinks it is rude to refuse to give the waiting staff the chance to practice their English.
My view is, firmly, that in a foreign country you make the effort for pleasantries at the very least - please, thank you, good morning, good bye, and if you speak the language then speak it and be allowed to speak it with imperfections .
However, two anecdotes. Once we were in Ravello in one of those super expensive ceramic shops. We had only just arrived and were staying in Villa Cimbrone- where Greta Garbo eloped to when she married- ie expensive. I started speaking Italian but tbh gave up as the owner, clued to our side, kept talking in English and Gianni indulged him. We said we would be back as we had only just arrived. As we left he pretended to speak to his collegue but went on a tirade about how rich people came to his shop and didn't even buy a wine stopper. It was highly offensive. I was steaming angry but Gianni stopped me saying something there and then.
The next day Gianni returned and the guy asked where I was as I had been interested in some platters. Gianni then informed him that I was offended, as I spoke perfectly good Italian and had understood every word of his abuse. The owner was mortified. MORTIFIED. He couldn't apologise enough and loaded Gianni with free stuff to reflect his embarrassment. Lesson - don't assume the English speaking people only speak English. I speak English, French and Italian. My kids- Brits- speak English, Italian, French, Spanish and Swedish, three of those fluently.
Second anecdote... none of the above applies in social gatherings. I used to be married to a Swede. Every time we went to Sweden, notwithstanding that every one spoke fluent English and I didn't speak a word , the conversations were in Swedish. For me this is plain rude.
The ramifications continue to this day. In the summer my daughter's plus one was isolated as he didn't speak Swedish and all the conversations were in Swedish. He's Belgium, but fluent in English, he only needed them to meet him half way. Presently the kiddies are with their plus ones (non Swede speakers) having Christmas with the whole Swedish family in English speaking South Africa. The biggest dread for my kids and their plushness is how to stop the Swedish family speaking Swedish and isolating their loved ones, when all the Swedes are fluent in English.
So for me;
When in Rome, speak Italian
When in mixed language company, speak the common language.
At the end of the day, language is about communication and good manner is about not making other people feel uncomfortable.
Wow, Pia, you have made so many interesting points here! Let me see if I can respond to a few of them:
1. I agree that you never know what language people speak, so it is dangerous to make assumptions based on how they look. Also, if you hear people speaking one language, that doesn't mean they don't speak others.
2. As I hope I made clear in the essay, barring other contextual constraints, it's only polite for people to allow customers to use the local language if they are capable of doing so. It is indeed arrogant to assume that foreigners are incapable of learning a language.
3. I agree that it is common courtesy to use the local language to the extent of your ability when visiting a place. But that "to the extent of your ability" clause is important. Sure, when I'm in Madrid, I can speak Spanish in virtually any imaginable situation, and so I will. But when I'm in Ljubljana, even though I know some basic Slovene, I simply can't carry on a conversation or even make a purchase without seeking recourse to English. So I have to hope that they expect visitors to use English and are prepared for that. I think that that is part of the business model in the hospitality industry these days.
4. Interestingly, my experience of Sweden (more than 10 years living there) dovetails with yours, at least in part: I found that in professional settings, Swedes are extremely good about switching to English if there is anyone there who is not a Swedish speaker. However, in family settings, that doesn't apply. Asking Swedes—or anybody, really—to change the way they communicate with their own family is just asking too much. When I married into a Swedish family, the assumption was that I would learn Swedish, which I did do. In the meantime, when individuals addressed me, they would use English. But the general swirling chaos of family interaction was always going to be in Swedish.
I also agree that in the end, language is about communication and relationships, and we don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. Thanks for your contribution!
To be fair, I’m probably nursing old wounds with the Swedes- I should have learnt Swedish but was at that time working in Italy, obliged to learn French with two toddlers in arms and didn’t have time. But ( anecdote 3) when in Sweden my husband didn’t want to go on a family outing. Told me that whatever they came up with that I had to say I didn’t want to go ( very not me) They had a big family powwow which I couldn’t follow. I was then asked and gave the response I had been told. Whereupon my husband shouted at me for being impossible to please when his family were making so much effort. I couldn’t say anything without dumping him in it but was smarting with the injustice. Anyway he ran off with a Tapir nosed Canadian so all is well that ends well!
Well, Pia, I'm sorry that you had that experience. All I can say is, people have strange ways of managing their family (and this may be especially true in Sweden). I'm glad you think it ended well!
Great post. I live in the Algarve, Portugal’s high tourist area. I have been learning Portuguese over the last few years that I’ve been here simply by listening, reading and attempting to speak. When I meet someone who I know is Portuguese, I immediately begin speaking Portuguese. I know my Portuguese is well received when they respond in Portuguese. But often, as you say, they respond in English. I then ask them if it would be OK for me to speak in Portuguese so that I could learn their language better. I get two responses to that. One is that they appreciate my openness and attempt to learn their language. The second one is their response, saying that they are practicing their English. If they say they are practicing their English I will speak English to them, and I will compliment them on their English.
I am often told that my language skills are good. I already speak three other languages. Mostly I look at language, regardless of which one I’m using, as a means to connect to the people in the country where I live. Whether it’s English, Portuguese, Spanish, French, or any other language that I speak. That connection is always accompanied by a smile. And of course, a smile is the universal language.
I like your attitude, Alicia! I think it's fair that if person A speaks Portuguese but wants to practice English, and person B speaks English but wants to practice Portuguese, then sometimes it should go one way and sometimes it should go the other way. Good of you to be accommodating.
I’m now in Italy for decades and speak Italian fluently. Often if I walk into a coffee bar in the morning before I even open my mouth I’m addressed in English. Calling a spade a spade: it’s actually racial profiling. In other words, looking at me, making an assessment of my background and nationality and race and then opting for English.
Sometimes when I’m with my Italian husband. they look at us both and still decide English is the way to go.
It’s one of the most annoying things, but it will never stop. My body type, hair color and eye color speaks much louder than my language capabilities.
Sometimes my daughter asks why I tell Italians I’ve lived here 40 years and she feels I should just ignore and roll with it and carry on the conversation in English.
Hmmm… not so sure.
Hello, and thank you for your comment! As someone who definitely will never look like he’s from Southern Europe, I have had the same experience many times in Italy, Spain and Portugal. I agree that it’s frustrating, and that you could call this “racial profiling”. However, I hesitate to do so, for the following reason…
In the US, the term “racial profiling” is primarily associated with policing—the police are trying to decide who to stop. In the Italian café scenario, the barista is actually trying to decide how best to help you. I am not sure that they are using English is a derogatory way. When this happens to me, I try to separate the slight to my ego from the facts of the situation, which is that this person has to serve me in some language, and they think this is the one to go with. From that perspective, I don’t see it as malign.
What can we do about it? Well, one tactic that I take is the speak early to establish the language. I figure that if I greet this person in good Italian, they are unlikely to switch over to English on me. In other words, even if my looks say “foreigner”, I can allow my voice to say “local”. I find that this can help.
I use the term “racial profiling“ half in jest although technically speaking that’s what it is. And that doesn’t have to imply something derogatory as it does in the US. Sadly, that’s what we’ve come to understand the term to mean. Anyhow, if this is the worst problem we have to face in our lives. I would say we are in pretty good shape, right?
That's a very good perspective, Wendy!
I’m deeply multilingual and I enjoyed this post. My approach is to keep smiling and speaking Portuguese—sometimes it takes people a few minutes to reconcile my North American appearance with the language coming out of my mouth. I like your analysis!
Obrigado, Justine! It is a perpetual source of frustration that people are judged by their appearance, but forging ahead without getting upset is probably the best approach.
This is the most detailed exploration of a topic I encounter regularly but have never thought to analyze. It’s super entertaining and will likely lead me to overthink every conversation I have from now on! I’m currently reflecting on my own restaurant experiences: we’re dining in Italy, I ask my daughter what she wants to eat in Czech, my husband places his order in English, and I end up speaking to the server in Italian. Haha, my brain is always hurting.
Thank you, Cassandra! I hope your brain won't suffer from having read this! But you have to admit that it is a very interesting topic. (This is why some people become linguists, I guess.)
YES, how true is this! I'll never forget one particular occasion when, after having lived in Costa Rica for 10 years with a Spanish-speaking partner and friends, having an MA in Applied Linguistics and a BA in Spanish, and attaining a high above-average level of fluency...a server kept ignoring me when I spoke and looking at my partner and talking directly to him in Spanish for the order, even when I was there saying the exact same words. 🤣 I think he just couldn't reconcile my face with the language coming out of my mouth.
Yeah, Ash, I do wonder whether there is a bit of racial profiling and a maybe a bit of sexism at play here. (See similar discussions in the comments on this post.) At times people make a bit too many assumptions based on what we look like, it seems.
Hi, good article. Thanks for posting. I moved to Barcelona 21 years ago. I'd studied Spanish for a good few years before moving. (I first visited Barcelona in 1981) but soon found after re-locating that the Spanish they teach you in schools and universities in the UK is not the Spanish that locals speak on the streets — plus there was/is the added challenging factor of català.
My very local, and very popular, bar just along the street is frequented by educated locals, artisans, builders, teachers, journalists, middle-class professionals — in brief curious, energetic folk. I soon found that once they knew I was British they all wanted to practice their English on me. I wasn't practising any Spanish. So, I deliberately searched the neighbourhood for a friendly bar where NO-ONE spoke any English at all. It forced me to practice my Spanish (and, to a lesser extent, català). Made friends with a regular group of locals. We'd meet every evening after work for a drink and a chinwag and laughs. All good fun. And I became more comfortable with Spanish vernacular. For years. We became good friends. Then — BAM — covid-19. I did not leave our apartment for 11 weeks. No more daily meet-ups, no more chit-chat — just occasional whatsapp messages. As we emerged from the pandemic people had moved on to other barris and/or other jobs — the gang, the pandilla, la familia, had demobbed. My listening and speaking and comprehension tanked and has never recovered. A few of us, the core of the group, still meet up at least once a year — at 8am on August 15th, for breakfast, before venturing into Vlia de Gràcia for te first day of the Festes de Gràcia. I can still read castellà and can understand radio and TV news bulletins, but my conversation abilities, such as they were, are shot to bits, and I feel constantly embarrassed by my shortcomings. So, in brief, you are right to advise some measure of compentence with the language of your chosen destination before re-locating — but be aware that the version of the language as taught in your home country will not be the language as it is really spoken on the streets.
Bill this is a fascinating account. (Sorry I missed it until now.) I am sorry to hear that Covid torpedoed your social world; I hope you will be able to put together a new one. I lived in Gràcia for three months recently and loved it. But it's true that the linguistic situation is complicated by the co-existence of Spanish and Catalan. I can imagine that it must be challenging to find the right environment for improving one's fluency. I wish you much luck!
Living in Porto for two years and this is spot on! One day I can have a lovely service interaction in Portuguese, and another day they really want me to switch to English. It can depend on so many things.
A nice bit of linguistics-etiquette crossover substacking! Another factor here is one that you allude to: the growing dominance of English as the lingua franca of our globalized age. (Would the proper term be "lingua anglica"? I'm not sure about the correct Latin there, but you—having coined "substaco"—can correct me.) People are speaking English to you because, more and more, that's just what folks do.
On that point, this recent article in the New Yorker may be of interest to you:
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/12/30/how-much-does-our-language-shape-our-thinking
Thank you, Mike! It's true that English is now without question the dominant lingua franca of the world (and yes, we still use that term), so it's not surprising when someone uses it with a tourist, for example. I can't imagine a waiter in Portugal, for example, trying French or German (much less Russian!) with a Chinese tourist.
I'm afraid I can't get through to the New Yorker article, but honestly, I'm soooo tired of the endless debate about whether language shapes thought or vice-versa. As a linguist, I've been reading this stuff for decades, and new ground is rarely broken.
This made me laugh.
I'm feebly attempting to learn Spanish. I don't have anyone to practice with locally. When I do find someone I get nervous and forget my grammar, stuttering out the right (core) words, most times wrong tense.
This week while on a road trip I had my first opportunity (in years) to practice ordering food (in Spanish) over the phone. I was successful in that she understood me, but unfortunately I ordered the wrong thing. I wanted a quarter leg of chicken with rice, beans and yuca... instead I got chicken and rice mixed, beans on the side, no yuca. Back to class I go!
I'm thrilled when I go to a Cuban or Puerto Rican restaurant and am understood and sometimes acknowledged in Spanish. If they respond in English I will ask if they understand me. Oftentimes this ends up being a lengthy conversation using both languages.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Patti. I know how frustrating it can be not to have good opportunities to practice. Have you ever considered trying one of those websites that allow you to do language exchange via video?
I also tend to get nervous when I don't feel confident in the language, and have also ordered the wrong thing at times. The only remedy, I think, is not to give up, but just to keep practicing. I think yuca do it! 😉
Hahah, good one!! No, I hadn't considered it. Do you know of one to get me started? It sounds like fun!
I'm afraid I haven't used any such apps myself. If you google "language exchange app", you will get a list of many.
You can also read reviews, in places like this:
https://preply.com/en/blog/language-exchange-app/
Just remember to disregard the first one, as it is the app the authors are selling. But the other reviews might be helpful.
Anybody else know a good language-exchange application?
Thank you, Gregory!! I'll let you know when I find a good one... I'm sure there are many who might be in need or desire of such a great resource.
Gregory, reading this made me laugh! I am currently in Prague for a few days (with my German husband and his 89-year-old mother, but that is another matter) and when we stopped at the border to buy an autobahn e-ticket, the woman behind the window spoke Czech to me although I made my request in English! I replied automatically in Czech — very rusty, but suitable for transactional conversation— and she gave me my change in euros with a wink, instead of Czech crowns at the miserable posted rate (like the three people I observed ahead of me in line.
I lived here 33 years ago and have Czech (grand)parentage, hence the dormant language. Although I am so far from fluent after all these years, I have been constantly and consistently addressed in Czech the past two days. I find this bizarre, since we are speaking German in our little travel trio and are mostly in the heavily-touristed center where English has become commonplace.
I guess those Bohemian genes are showing!Literally!
That's fascinating, Caroline! I imagine that anyone who sees your deliciously vowel-free surname will take you for a Czech, but assuming that most people don't, you must really look Czech to them. And from that perspective, it's not surprising that they would address you in Czech, right? I mean, if a Berliner started speaking to someone who looked "obviously" German, why would they ask what language to speak?
I just find it all disconcerting, having too many languages on tap at the moment. I learnt Czech from English, so cannot in any way make the leap from speaking German (with mother-in-law) to speaking Czech (with anyone forward enough to speak to me in Czech). Today in a museum my brain short-circuited and in the middle of a conversation with the lovely museum lady, I found myself enthusiastically agreeing with “sim!”
Agreeing in Portuguese is never wrong. But I totally get it. I get saturated when I have three languages going; it someone asks me to speak a fourth, I melt down.
By the way, I've been thinking about your three-way date. I hope it went well.
I love how you frame this discussion through the lens of the fundamental attribution error, Gregory! Great perspective. I’d bump into the “switch to English” thing all the time when living in small-town Netherlands, which made learning the language more challenging, but eventually I found some people - my local coffee supplier, that sort of thing - who came to understand, enjoy, and support my Dutch-speaking attempts. 🙂 Grateful for those relationships!
Michael, I can imagine that the Netherlands is a very challenging place to try to use the local language, due to the generally high level of English proficiency there. Good that you did manage to find some people who were willing to work with you!
Thanks Gregory! For sure!
Living in Tokyo where barely anyone speaks English, I value the solicitude and ability of service staff and medical staff especially, to be flexible for the sake of communicational ease. Also I don’t really expect my social interactions to be the burden of often overworked and underpaid people. Recently at a seaside restaurant near Lisbon a young woman of Angolan origin flawlessly addressed customers in Portuguese, English, Spanish and German - very impressive. I think most people would see it as added value and care for foreigners and certainly don’t deserve to be addressed rudely for it.
I agree! Having worked as a waiter myself (and one who could proudly speak other languages when needed), I think that it is very good to be able to meet people where they are—provided that you are not going against their wishes. And there can be benefits from using more than one language, too. I have a doctor here who loves to speak to me in English, even though my Portuguese is better than his English. But because he speaks English slowly, I usually follow him well—and when I don't, I ask for clarification in Portuguese. 😄 Whatever works!
Fascinating topic. And, yeah, no matter how hard I try to speak a foreign language, as soon as they clock for me an English speaker, that's it!
Thanks, Michael! I know what you mean. Have you tried speaking their language with a French or German accent, to see what happens? (Assuming that's not the language you're speaking), of course.) That could be fun! 😂
No, no, no! I don’t want to be deported!
Gregory my brother in law speaks great English and sometimes we have conversations where he speaks in English and I speak in Spanish. That's always fun. :) I like that a lot. My wife is practicing her English now and for some reason a part of me is sad when she tells me she wants to practice her English more with me because that means I don't get to have fun speaking Spanish with her. You're right. There are some people that just like to or want to speak in a different language to practice. It's addicting! :)
This is a topic that is of great interest to me, Thomas, and I've been thinking about writing a piece about having a multilingual relationship with someone—something that many claim is impossible, but I know otherwise. I know what you mean about wanting to keep speaking Spanish, but it's good of you to give your wife the chance to develop. Maybe you could come up with a fun way to make sure there is a bit of equity? I remember, many years ago, trying something we called Swedish Saturday. I don't think we did it very regularly, but the idea was nice.
Gregory that’s a cool idea. I just got to give myself some reminders every day to talk to her in English. Maybe I can set a reminder on my phone or something. I get so busy that I just forget out of habit. :/
It’s such an interesting topic! In my experience, it depends on the situation. If I’m alone and someone tries to help me by speaking English, I usually ask them to switch to Portuguese. They’re often pleasantly surprised by this. However, if I’m in a group where most people aren’t fluent in Portuguese, we tend to mix both languages.
Disclaimer: My Portuguese skills are above basic but not fully conversational, which, surprisingly, has never bothered native speakers.
Thanks, Maria! I find that in most situations, people are very happy when you want to try to speak their language (and this is true of the Portuguese too). Obviously, we are always constrained by the context, though, like being in a linguistically mixed group. But people always seem to find a way to communicate!
We face this battle constantly and I have to say I find it very irritating. The victor is usually the language which everyone speaks best which can either be English or Italian, but to get to that conclusion takes a few skirmishes. We live half the year in Italy, I lived a decade in Rome; we are getting to the point that we speak well enough to be able to tell funny anecdotes in Italian - which is a pretty high level. We are way beyond the 1066 stage of restaurant ordering.
Most of the time we go into a bar it is evident that we speak easily well enough to order and there is a queue so all passes easily, but in restaurants we face the battle of the languages. I will refuse to back down and continue to speak Italian, Gianni (my English-Irish partner- that's the pseudonym we use for him Gianni Strainer - Jonny Foreigner) who is partly deaf and therefore doesn't speak Italian as well as quickly, will give way and let them speak English to us.
I think it is arrogant to come to a foreign country and expect others to speak English, without making an effort to speak the language. Having made the effort for decades I think is is rude to have the waiting staff refuse to speak Italian to us- we are clearly not struggling to communicate. Gianni on the other hand thinks it is rude to refuse to give the waiting staff the chance to practice their English.
My view is, firmly, that in a foreign country you make the effort for pleasantries at the very least - please, thank you, good morning, good bye, and if you speak the language then speak it and be allowed to speak it with imperfections .
However, two anecdotes. Once we were in Ravello in one of those super expensive ceramic shops. We had only just arrived and were staying in Villa Cimbrone- where Greta Garbo eloped to when she married- ie expensive. I started speaking Italian but tbh gave up as the owner, clued to our side, kept talking in English and Gianni indulged him. We said we would be back as we had only just arrived. As we left he pretended to speak to his collegue but went on a tirade about how rich people came to his shop and didn't even buy a wine stopper. It was highly offensive. I was steaming angry but Gianni stopped me saying something there and then.
The next day Gianni returned and the guy asked where I was as I had been interested in some platters. Gianni then informed him that I was offended, as I spoke perfectly good Italian and had understood every word of his abuse. The owner was mortified. MORTIFIED. He couldn't apologise enough and loaded Gianni with free stuff to reflect his embarrassment. Lesson - don't assume the English speaking people only speak English. I speak English, French and Italian. My kids- Brits- speak English, Italian, French, Spanish and Swedish, three of those fluently.
Second anecdote... none of the above applies in social gatherings. I used to be married to a Swede. Every time we went to Sweden, notwithstanding that every one spoke fluent English and I didn't speak a word , the conversations were in Swedish. For me this is plain rude.
The ramifications continue to this day. In the summer my daughter's plus one was isolated as he didn't speak Swedish and all the conversations were in Swedish. He's Belgium, but fluent in English, he only needed them to meet him half way. Presently the kiddies are with their plus ones (non Swede speakers) having Christmas with the whole Swedish family in English speaking South Africa. The biggest dread for my kids and their plushness is how to stop the Swedish family speaking Swedish and isolating their loved ones, when all the Swedes are fluent in English.
So for me;
When in Rome, speak Italian
When in mixed language company, speak the common language.
At the end of the day, language is about communication and good manner is about not making other people feel uncomfortable.
Wow, Pia, you have made so many interesting points here! Let me see if I can respond to a few of them:
1. I agree that you never know what language people speak, so it is dangerous to make assumptions based on how they look. Also, if you hear people speaking one language, that doesn't mean they don't speak others.
2. As I hope I made clear in the essay, barring other contextual constraints, it's only polite for people to allow customers to use the local language if they are capable of doing so. It is indeed arrogant to assume that foreigners are incapable of learning a language.
3. I agree that it is common courtesy to use the local language to the extent of your ability when visiting a place. But that "to the extent of your ability" clause is important. Sure, when I'm in Madrid, I can speak Spanish in virtually any imaginable situation, and so I will. But when I'm in Ljubljana, even though I know some basic Slovene, I simply can't carry on a conversation or even make a purchase without seeking recourse to English. So I have to hope that they expect visitors to use English and are prepared for that. I think that that is part of the business model in the hospitality industry these days.
4. Interestingly, my experience of Sweden (more than 10 years living there) dovetails with yours, at least in part: I found that in professional settings, Swedes are extremely good about switching to English if there is anyone there who is not a Swedish speaker. However, in family settings, that doesn't apply. Asking Swedes—or anybody, really—to change the way they communicate with their own family is just asking too much. When I married into a Swedish family, the assumption was that I would learn Swedish, which I did do. In the meantime, when individuals addressed me, they would use English. But the general swirling chaos of family interaction was always going to be in Swedish.
I also agree that in the end, language is about communication and relationships, and we don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. Thanks for your contribution!
To be fair, I’m probably nursing old wounds with the Swedes- I should have learnt Swedish but was at that time working in Italy, obliged to learn French with two toddlers in arms and didn’t have time. But ( anecdote 3) when in Sweden my husband didn’t want to go on a family outing. Told me that whatever they came up with that I had to say I didn’t want to go ( very not me) They had a big family powwow which I couldn’t follow. I was then asked and gave the response I had been told. Whereupon my husband shouted at me for being impossible to please when his family were making so much effort. I couldn’t say anything without dumping him in it but was smarting with the injustice. Anyway he ran off with a Tapir nosed Canadian so all is well that ends well!
Well, Pia, I'm sorry that you had that experience. All I can say is, people have strange ways of managing their family (and this may be especially true in Sweden). I'm glad you think it ended well!
Great post. I live in the Algarve, Portugal’s high tourist area. I have been learning Portuguese over the last few years that I’ve been here simply by listening, reading and attempting to speak. When I meet someone who I know is Portuguese, I immediately begin speaking Portuguese. I know my Portuguese is well received when they respond in Portuguese. But often, as you say, they respond in English. I then ask them if it would be OK for me to speak in Portuguese so that I could learn their language better. I get two responses to that. One is that they appreciate my openness and attempt to learn their language. The second one is their response, saying that they are practicing their English. If they say they are practicing their English I will speak English to them, and I will compliment them on their English.
I am often told that my language skills are good. I already speak three other languages. Mostly I look at language, regardless of which one I’m using, as a means to connect to the people in the country where I live. Whether it’s English, Portuguese, Spanish, French, or any other language that I speak. That connection is always accompanied by a smile. And of course, a smile is the universal language.
I like your attitude, Alicia! I think it's fair that if person A speaks Portuguese but wants to practice English, and person B speaks English but wants to practice Portuguese, then sometimes it should go one way and sometimes it should go the other way. Good of you to be accommodating.