I cannot agree more with all your advices here. I myself have emigrated from Hong Kong to Germany and lived there for more than a decade. I totally get what you meant that moving abroad to a new country sometimes can feel like being a child again.
At the beginning, after I moved to Germany, I felt like I was an idiot. As I didn't understand the language, I couldn't even do simple things like reading letters or grocery shopping (cannot read the labels on the products!) I didn't understand how things worked there. Small things like where to put my rubbish? How to wash the water boiler (it was full of limestone in Germany and we didn't have that in HongKong)
So many things I have to learn! Totally agree with you about learning the local language and adapt to the way of life. This is a must if someone wants to move abroad for the long term. I see that sometimes, people told me that they wanted to move to Germany but didn't really know what it meant.
For example, they told me they don't think learning German is needed because when they visited the city as a tourist, everyone spoke English with them. One needs to know that being a tourist is a completely different thing than living in that country. Learning the local language is a must in Germany, I believe this is also true in any other places!
Also agree with you about people like to stick with the expat community in the new country. I can get that. It is comfortable. Maybe some comfort out of all the other frustration in the new country. However, if we do not throw out ourselves into the local community, we can never be a resident of that country for real.
I have seen some Chinese people in Germany who do not speak German after 10 years living there and only hanged out with other Chinese. I think one can never be "Germanized" this way even if they live their whole life there.
Two years ago, we moved from Germany to the U.S. and experienced another cultural shock. But at least, English is much easier than German for me, so the transition was much easier.
Thanks a lot for putting all these tips together! Super useful for people looking to move abroad :)
I am so glad that you found this piece valuable! It's nice when others who have gone through the process validate my observations. I admire you for doing it a second time! I hope things will go well for you in the US.
What a fantastic, helpful, informative article, Gregory. I really appreciated your list of ways to be a "good immigrant" and I like to think I am ticking off all of them as a "Discovery" rather than a "Security" person (one of the many links in this article I've noted for later reading). I first moved to Sweden in 1989 at age 29, got married to a Swede and lived there 18 years (we since divorced) and later lived as a family of four in Malta where we lived for four wonderful years. Now, at 65, I am living in Barcelona, a 15 minute walk from one daughter and a short trip away from the other in Paris. I am loving everything about being here in Spain, investing seriously in learning the language, delighting in the culture, the traditions, the differences between my native U.S. and my newly adopted country where I plan to live permanently. Glad to be part of this community and look forward to the next meet up (my very close friend Louisa of Lily Pond is the one who pointed me in the direction of "Living Elsewhere.")
Hello Amy! It's good to have you here! I have also lived in Spain and Sweden (for many years). It sounds like you have a good attitude and are really open to your new life in Barcelona. That is really a wonderful city. I hope to see you at the online meetup!
Such great tips, especially about learning the language. Thanks to my Mexico City yoga classes, I've mastered up, down, left, right, and a whole bunch of body parts!
Solid advice, Gregory, as usual (I would expect nothing less!), but I do have some thoughts re: point 6, which I'll be covering in some detail in my next post, all about my poor attempts at learning a language and the excuses I make in an attempt to justify it. It relates to the permanence mindset but also opportunity cost and the actual need for the language. Without that pressing need, it's easy to lose motivation and think, 'why bother?', the more so when you're not sure whether you'll be in a place for more than a year or two. Long-term, settling down, that's one thing, and there's definitely a need for the language.
Well, friend Daniel, I think you answered your own point already. It's all about the permanence mindset—even if you won't be there forever, it improves the experience.
Humility, respect, and gratitude. For me, those three words sum up the rest.
In my many moves, I have *never* sought to replicate any familiar "conveniences"– the whole point was to go somewhere new and learn to live differently, I always thought.
Nicely said once again, Gregory. I especially liked your point about the "permanence mindset." It's taken my wife and me some time to adopt this, mainly because we weren't sure we would stay. But now that we know we are, we've discovered that life is easier as we've put more effort into learning the lay of the land, discovering new places, and sourcing essential items.
I also liked your thoughts on English as the language of tourism and on learning the local language to avoid being a lifelong tourist. In Belize, this is less of an issue as the national language is English, but a telltale sign of a tourist is the use of US dollars for daily transactions. One way I have learned to integrate is to use local currency, the Bekoze Dollar. I dislike being considered a tourist, so any little way I can do that, I do.
I will fight tooth and nail for my dishwasher! LOL
Also, I loved the fridges photo and thanks for mentioning me in the beginning of the article!
Thanks, Simo! I'm glad you liked it, especially the "permanence mindset" bit. Keep up the fight against being a tourist, however that plays out for you!
And as far as I'm concerned, you can absolutely have your dishwasher. :)
A great list. I wish it came with a ticket to Lisbon. I love the pictures, too. The sack of potatoes, the tuk-tuk, the Smeg fridges. I can only imagine what a great neighbor you must be.
Awww, thank you, Regina! It's funny—my Hungarian neighbors actually said the other day that I'm the best neighbor ever. So I dunno, maybe you're on to something. I'm very pleased you liked the photos, too.
What a fantastic article Gregory!!! I've re-stacked and sent it to my subscribers as a cross-post (which I didn't even know about until just now!) -- thank you so much for including my article in your footnotes, I will do the same!! :)
I find the part about 'missing' things in your 'old' country fascinating. When I moved to the USA in 1991, first as an ex-pat, then becoming a 'legal alien', then a citizen, Americans always asked me what I missed about the UK. My stock answers were: English country pubs in the summertime, great TV shows (this was before the era of being able to watch anything, anywhere, at any time), and good chocolate (US chocolate is heinous and I will never be convinced otherwise).
After 28 years in the US, I returned to the UK and now Brits ask me what I miss about the US. My stock answers are: the weather (I lived in So Cal with over 300 days of sunshine a year, so rain almost every day truly is a shock to the system), plug sockets in bathrooms, and being able to turn right at a red light (seriously a great idea).
Oh, and from a language point of view, the differences between British English and American English now seem to be less than they were before, so my occasional lapses into zip codes, trash trucks and gas stations aren't as pointedly wrong as they could be, although I quickly correct myself with post codes, bin men and petrol stations.
I still can't figure out Celsius, but that's always going to be a struggle...!
Thank you, Sally. You mention several interesting things, and in general, I think it's a very good idea to have stock answers ready for questions like "what do you miss?" Personally, I have a longing to be someone who could miss English country pubs in the summer, so perhaps that will have to be part of my future. Otherwise, I agree, even about the chocolate, although "heinous" is perhaps a bit too strong, unless Hershey's has done something truly terrible to you.
Crikey! "It tastes like sawdust that’s been drowned in sugar and soaked with baby vomit." OK, then. The Butyric acid revelation is interesting, as are the others, if true. Perhaps Hershey has confused Cadbury and cadmium?
Since moving abroad a couple of months ago, I have to agree that it is a difficult and challenging process of adaptation, but positive impacts it has had on my physical and mental health stem from approaching the new life with curiosity and acceptance that things will be different.
Thank you, I absolutely will. Documenting and reflecting on the process has also helped a great deal. Perhaps you’ll enjoy this piece on cultural differences 😊
I was born in France, mixed Spanish on my mother's side,lived in France, Spain and UK and moved to Sweden a bit more than 2.5 years ago.I was a bit of a passeist, and am very proud and grateful for having had the privilege to grow up in countries with such interesting cultures and variety in all aspects of life. I realised not every country can offer that. However I needed to learn from countries that I considered being ahead of us and travelled to US could not move there so moved to the UK and now Sweden. It changed me to the core. I wanted to understand what my grand dad felt when migrating to France and now got a pretty good understanding of it 😂 what I learned in Sweden could not be learned in Catalunya it was too similar to southern France. You said it well it is back to being a child! I m learning about monitoring my ego and my curiosity everyday 😂 I also believe that we can learn from each other, France and Spain can learn a lot from and include Americans, English and Swedish logics, way of thinking and culture in their own country and way of life. They already accepted a lot from them economically and culturally and boundaries were created . Also moving to a new country when you are in your 20s, 30s is a challenge, try that when you are in your 50s, 60s or even older...every child will adapt differently 😆
Thanks for sharing this, Marie. I agree that all countries can stand to learn from each other, and that is one of the best reasons to encourage immigration and mixing of people from different backgrounds.
Great info, Gregory, for those who are thinking of making this move to Europe - it is a major commitment to leave your country! People would be wise to ‘test the waters’ and to know themselves.
Gregory, just found this - better late than never. Love the photos of Portugal which hopefully will be our next home.
Also I have no shame in admitting that I like Living Elsewhere.
Thank you, Molly! You are very welcome here at Living Elsewhere.
I cannot agree more with all your advices here. I myself have emigrated from Hong Kong to Germany and lived there for more than a decade. I totally get what you meant that moving abroad to a new country sometimes can feel like being a child again.
At the beginning, after I moved to Germany, I felt like I was an idiot. As I didn't understand the language, I couldn't even do simple things like reading letters or grocery shopping (cannot read the labels on the products!) I didn't understand how things worked there. Small things like where to put my rubbish? How to wash the water boiler (it was full of limestone in Germany and we didn't have that in HongKong)
So many things I have to learn! Totally agree with you about learning the local language and adapt to the way of life. This is a must if someone wants to move abroad for the long term. I see that sometimes, people told me that they wanted to move to Germany but didn't really know what it meant.
For example, they told me they don't think learning German is needed because when they visited the city as a tourist, everyone spoke English with them. One needs to know that being a tourist is a completely different thing than living in that country. Learning the local language is a must in Germany, I believe this is also true in any other places!
Also agree with you about people like to stick with the expat community in the new country. I can get that. It is comfortable. Maybe some comfort out of all the other frustration in the new country. However, if we do not throw out ourselves into the local community, we can never be a resident of that country for real.
I have seen some Chinese people in Germany who do not speak German after 10 years living there and only hanged out with other Chinese. I think one can never be "Germanized" this way even if they live their whole life there.
Two years ago, we moved from Germany to the U.S. and experienced another cultural shock. But at least, English is much easier than German for me, so the transition was much easier.
Thanks a lot for putting all these tips together! Super useful for people looking to move abroad :)
I am so glad that you found this piece valuable! It's nice when others who have gone through the process validate my observations. I admire you for doing it a second time! I hope things will go well for you in the US.
What a fantastic, helpful, informative article, Gregory. I really appreciated your list of ways to be a "good immigrant" and I like to think I am ticking off all of them as a "Discovery" rather than a "Security" person (one of the many links in this article I've noted for later reading). I first moved to Sweden in 1989 at age 29, got married to a Swede and lived there 18 years (we since divorced) and later lived as a family of four in Malta where we lived for four wonderful years. Now, at 65, I am living in Barcelona, a 15 minute walk from one daughter and a short trip away from the other in Paris. I am loving everything about being here in Spain, investing seriously in learning the language, delighting in the culture, the traditions, the differences between my native U.S. and my newly adopted country where I plan to live permanently. Glad to be part of this community and look forward to the next meet up (my very close friend Louisa of Lily Pond is the one who pointed me in the direction of "Living Elsewhere.")
Hello Amy! It's good to have you here! I have also lived in Spain and Sweden (for many years). It sounds like you have a good attitude and are really open to your new life in Barcelona. That is really a wonderful city. I hope to see you at the online meetup!
I will try to be there for sure! Where in Sweden and in Spain did you live?
Mostly Stockholm and Uppsala; Madrid and Barcelona
Such great tips, especially about learning the language. Thanks to my Mexico City yoga classes, I've mastered up, down, left, right, and a whole bunch of body parts!
Nothing like mastering body parts, eh, Stephanie? 😁
Solid advice, Gregory, as usual (I would expect nothing less!), but I do have some thoughts re: point 6, which I'll be covering in some detail in my next post, all about my poor attempts at learning a language and the excuses I make in an attempt to justify it. It relates to the permanence mindset but also opportunity cost and the actual need for the language. Without that pressing need, it's easy to lose motivation and think, 'why bother?', the more so when you're not sure whether you'll be in a place for more than a year or two. Long-term, settling down, that's one thing, and there's definitely a need for the language.
Well, friend Daniel, I think you answered your own point already. It's all about the permanence mindset—even if you won't be there forever, it improves the experience.
Humility, respect, and gratitude. For me, those three words sum up the rest.
In my many moves, I have *never* sought to replicate any familiar "conveniences"– the whole point was to go somewhere new and learn to live differently, I always thought.
Sounds like you really get it, Caroline. Vive la différence!
Oh wow. Never been quoted before. Thanks!
Nicely said once again, Gregory. I especially liked your point about the "permanence mindset." It's taken my wife and me some time to adopt this, mainly because we weren't sure we would stay. But now that we know we are, we've discovered that life is easier as we've put more effort into learning the lay of the land, discovering new places, and sourcing essential items.
I also liked your thoughts on English as the language of tourism and on learning the local language to avoid being a lifelong tourist. In Belize, this is less of an issue as the national language is English, but a telltale sign of a tourist is the use of US dollars for daily transactions. One way I have learned to integrate is to use local currency, the Bekoze Dollar. I dislike being considered a tourist, so any little way I can do that, I do.
I will fight tooth and nail for my dishwasher! LOL
Also, I loved the fridges photo and thanks for mentioning me in the beginning of the article!
Thanks, Simo! I'm glad you liked it, especially the "permanence mindset" bit. Keep up the fight against being a tourist, however that plays out for you!
And as far as I'm concerned, you can absolutely have your dishwasher. :)
Excellent article!! "Learning to flow with the culture"
Thank you, Marty!
A great list. I wish it came with a ticket to Lisbon. I love the pictures, too. The sack of potatoes, the tuk-tuk, the Smeg fridges. I can only imagine what a great neighbor you must be.
Awww, thank you, Regina! It's funny—my Hungarian neighbors actually said the other day that I'm the best neighbor ever. So I dunno, maybe you're on to something. I'm very pleased you liked the photos, too.
From a Portuguese point of view I read this as the way to integration, peace and connection. Thank you.
Thank you!
What a fantastic article Gregory!!! I've re-stacked and sent it to my subscribers as a cross-post (which I didn't even know about until just now!) -- thank you so much for including my article in your footnotes, I will do the same!! :)
Thanks, K-A! I'm glad you liked it. And thanks for spreading the word!
Fantastic article Gregory - thank you so much.
I find the part about 'missing' things in your 'old' country fascinating. When I moved to the USA in 1991, first as an ex-pat, then becoming a 'legal alien', then a citizen, Americans always asked me what I missed about the UK. My stock answers were: English country pubs in the summertime, great TV shows (this was before the era of being able to watch anything, anywhere, at any time), and good chocolate (US chocolate is heinous and I will never be convinced otherwise).
After 28 years in the US, I returned to the UK and now Brits ask me what I miss about the US. My stock answers are: the weather (I lived in So Cal with over 300 days of sunshine a year, so rain almost every day truly is a shock to the system), plug sockets in bathrooms, and being able to turn right at a red light (seriously a great idea).
Oh, and from a language point of view, the differences between British English and American English now seem to be less than they were before, so my occasional lapses into zip codes, trash trucks and gas stations aren't as pointedly wrong as they could be, although I quickly correct myself with post codes, bin men and petrol stations.
I still can't figure out Celsius, but that's always going to be a struggle...!
Thank you, Sally. You mention several interesting things, and in general, I think it's a very good idea to have stock answers ready for questions like "what do you miss?" Personally, I have a longing to be someone who could miss English country pubs in the summer, so perhaps that will have to be part of my future. Otherwise, I agree, even about the chocolate, although "heinous" is perhaps a bit too strong, unless Hershey's has done something truly terrible to you.
It's not just me!
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jan/04/why-is-american-chocolate-so-disgusting-you-really-dont-want-to-know
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/hersheys-chocolate-tastes-like-vomit_l_60479e5fc5b6af8f98bec0cd
Crikey! "It tastes like sawdust that’s been drowned in sugar and soaked with baby vomit." OK, then. The Butyric acid revelation is interesting, as are the others, if true. Perhaps Hershey has confused Cadbury and cadmium?
Since moving abroad a couple of months ago, I have to agree that it is a difficult and challenging process of adaptation, but positive impacts it has had on my physical and mental health stem from approaching the new life with curiosity and acceptance that things will be different.
Gillian, I congratulate you on what sounds like a very good beginning to the process. Keep the curiosity and acceptance going!
Thank you, I absolutely will. Documenting and reflecting on the process has also helped a great deal. Perhaps you’ll enjoy this piece on cultural differences 😊
https://gillywater.substack.com/p/012924
I was born in France, mixed Spanish on my mother's side,lived in France, Spain and UK and moved to Sweden a bit more than 2.5 years ago.I was a bit of a passeist, and am very proud and grateful for having had the privilege to grow up in countries with such interesting cultures and variety in all aspects of life. I realised not every country can offer that. However I needed to learn from countries that I considered being ahead of us and travelled to US could not move there so moved to the UK and now Sweden. It changed me to the core. I wanted to understand what my grand dad felt when migrating to France and now got a pretty good understanding of it 😂 what I learned in Sweden could not be learned in Catalunya it was too similar to southern France. You said it well it is back to being a child! I m learning about monitoring my ego and my curiosity everyday 😂 I also believe that we can learn from each other, France and Spain can learn a lot from and include Americans, English and Swedish logics, way of thinking and culture in their own country and way of life. They already accepted a lot from them economically and culturally and boundaries were created . Also moving to a new country when you are in your 20s, 30s is a challenge, try that when you are in your 50s, 60s or even older...every child will adapt differently 😆
Thanks for sharing this, Marie. I agree that all countries can stand to learn from each other, and that is one of the best reasons to encourage immigration and mixing of people from different backgrounds.
Great info, Gregory, for those who are thinking of making this move to Europe - it is a major commitment to leave your country! People would be wise to ‘test the waters’ and to know themselves.
Catherine Ann, I agree with you completely. Both things are important: to know yourself, and to know what you’re doing.