I truly appreciate this essay! I have been considering moving abroad for several years as a retiree/writer, but wasn't sure if it was a good fit for me. Your writing truly hits the emotional side of living in a new culture. The partner concern is my biggest obstacle and has kept me from moving forward.
In my humble (and possibly jetlagged) opinion, the most important aspect of adapting to a new country is the person's cultural compatibility with the culture of the new country.
Although the culture of the country of origin is very important, there are people who feel like strangers in their own country, without realizing it, until they come into contact with another culture and suddenly realize that they belong there.
I'm Portuguese, I lived in Germany for a few years (that's where I became fluent in English, don’t ask, please), return and since then I've felt like a foreigner in my own country.
Geert Hofstede, a Dutch social psychologist, did a study on the differences between modern nations and built a website that allows us to compare them. It's an excellent tool for realizing where we're going before we leave and have a deep understand of the new culture
Working in tourism in Lisbon, I have followed the successive waves of emigrants since 2014 out of professional duty and personal curiosity, and if I can give one piece of advice to anyone who wants to move abroad, is reading the failure stories.
They're not so easy to find because few people publish them (it's human nature), but if the success stories inspire us, it's the failure stories that teach us. In the case of Portugal, there are Facebook groups dedicated to the subject and probably much more out there
- The truth about Portugal: Why people leave
- Expats leaving Portugal
Perhaps the reason why the wealthier immigrants (Americans are only a worst case scenario) find it so difficult to adapt... is because they don't need to adapt. They can always pack and go home. Economic migrants? They have no choice, no money, some burn the ships when they left. Refugees? There is no home because their home is the mouth of a shark, as Warsan Shire wrote in Home, the most disturbing poem on migrations.
Paulo, thank you so much for this intelligent and thought-provoking contribution! I know what you mean about finding a culture that matches your values, especially since I feel like that has been a life lesson for me for a long time.
I am very familiar with Hofstede's work, and I agree that it can be helpful—up to a point. The idea of focusing on failure stories is a fascinating one. Thank you for pointing to some sources, since, as you say, these aren't very easy to find.
I think that the point about Americans not needing to adapt because they can leave (or because they feel they can leave) is poignant. I spend a lot of time trying to convince people that they should treat a move abroad as permanent, since that is how you make it work. But not everyone thinks that way.
We have been living off and on in Greece for 12 years. My partner was born in Athens and has property there although he’s a naturalized American citizen now. All of your points struck a cord, especially making friends and not knowing the language. I can handle Italian, French and some German, but Greek is more than a challenge for me at my late age. I am so disturbed by what is happening in the US that the temptation to move is great. However healthcare is always in the back of my mind.The Greeks have a good healthcare system if you know how it works and have the money to get a good doctor, even though medicine is free.
Your article helped me realize the amazing pluses of living in Greece, and even dealing with the bureaucracy, etc., etc. The Greeks are a kind, friendly and joyful people who love life, have a wonderful philosophy of caring for family and neighbors, (except when they’re annoying). It reminds me of the America I grew up in when you knew your neighbors, and lived a life without a garbage disposal, clothes dryer, central air conditioning, etc. etc. A life when we weren’t so spoiled and arrogant.
Thank you again for your article, it made me realize how very lucky I am! Gretchen
Thank you for sharing this, Gretchen. I understand how you feel about the disintegration of community in the US (which I have written about elsewhere). It sound like you do have a viable Plan B option, should you decide to move, which is great. I would say it’s never to late to make a big change, as long as you feel prepared for it!
I enjoyed that as someone who did the journey the other way and spent a few years living in Boston. I’m not sure about the convenience- used to watch the gridlock commuters heading in and out each day by car - and never got used to seeing old ladies crying in the pharmacy because they couldn’t afford all their meds. But - great libraries and beautiful countryside .
Thanks, Jackie. To your point about gridlock: I think that the car-based life is sold to Americans under the rubric of convenience, but of course it can lead to new forms of inconvenience, which are then probably waved away as unavoidable side-effects. “Sitting in traffic for two hours is the price that I pay for the convenience of not having to use public transit!” 😂
This is by far the best, most realistic, and most comprehensive writing I've seen about Americans moving abroad. Thank you for sharing it!
I moved to France 2 1/2 years ago, and truly every single aspect of my life drastically changed. Thankfully, I'm a Discovery Person and pretty optimistic, but even so, the depression and loneliness that followed hallowed me for a bit. Even with a helpful and kind French husband by my side!
I tell everyone asking if they should move abroad: "You will become a stumbling, babbling toddler all over again as soon as you leave your country." It takes a lot of energy, positivity, and strength to build yourself back up to being a confident, stable adult. Boy, is it worth it when it works, though!!!
Thank you, Kelsey! I'm glad to hear that you agree with what I say here, though of course I'm sorry that the transition was (predictably) a difficult one. What you say here echoes a lot of what I wrote in last Friday's mega-essay, which you might also enjoy:
I stumbled on this Substack by accident, and I can see that I'll enjoy it. This post is spot-on with respect to many, many points and deserves careful reading by anyone considering the expat life.
We're sort of expat cousins: I've been living in Brazil since 2017 (this time!) When I was in high school, I went on one of those Easter trips that Catholic high schools used to do (and maybe still do), visiting five of six European countries in three weeks and ending up in Rome for Easter. We landed in Lisbon, I heard people speaking Portuguese on a tour of the Alfama, and I thought, "What a beautiful language -- I have to learn that someday!" The chance came in my Junior year in college, I thrived, and two months after graduation I was in Brazil with the Peace Corps for two years, and another year on my own.
Long story short, I was back and forth repeatedly in the intervening years (and spent some time living in Europe, too), but never expected to live here again, when I got a message over the internet from a smart, handsome -- and very young -- man who changed all my plans. We realized immediately that something magical was happening and went with it, becoming a couple in 2014, marrying in 2017, and here I am.
While retaining my US citizenship, I became a Brazilian citizen in 2019: Bolsonaro became President and had a state objective (never realized) of doing away with same-sex marriage, so I wanted to be sure that even if he succeeded, he wouldn't be able to throw me out. If Bozo returns to power, Portugal in fact is one of our "Plans B", possible since we're both Brazilian citizens.
In closing, I have to say that I think you're a LITTLE hard on Americans for their monolingualism. There's certainly some laziness, but I think that it's mostly a "Big Country Problem". Citizens of big countries don't feel pressure to learn other languages because they don't need to. Brazil is a good case in point: it's a rigorously monolingual Portuguese-speaking country. My husband is rather exceptional in being multilingual. Most Brazilians never feel a need to speak another language, because they never meet anyone, aside from the occasional tourist, who doesn't speak Portuguese. Most never even get exposed to Spanish; more Americans are probably exposed to Spanish than Brazilians are. Brazil takes up half of South America, and except in the three southernmost states, most Brazilians don't live anywhere near Spanish speakers. Big country problem!
Hello, cousin Al! Welcome to Living Elsewhere. Your story sounds very interesting, and yes, a bit like mine. I hope that things in Brazil will remain more stable than things in the US (who could ever imagine that I would write that!).
You bring up a good point: monolingualism is indeed a "big country problem". I actually just spent the weekend with some Spaniards, who said that Spanish people envy the Portuguese for their multilingualism. But of course there are many parts of Spain where most people do speak two languages—so multilingualism is actually quite common. If I am hard on the Americans, I suppose it's because that's my primary audience—I could be hard on the Brazilians, too, if they were suddenly wanting to move to France and speak Portuguese. Since my substack is about living across cultures, it's aimed at the people who really _should_ accept that they need to speak other languages. I get that those who never even dream of leaving Nebraska or Minas Gerais don't need to be multilingual, and that's perfectly OK, I would say.
Very comprehensive. We moved to Nice, France recently and are working through the French bureaucracy and cultural differences on a daily basis. Have had to hire an administrative assistant to help and are slowly adjusting to the cramped apartment. One advantage a city like Nice has is plenty of Americans. Can't imagine trying to make "French" friends, they are much too busy with their own lives and families. The Americans though are eager to connect. Starting French language school in the Summer. Wish us luck!
Good luck, Kel! It sounds like you are tackling your new life with vigor. Absolutely, make friends with the local Americans and other foreigners, but don't completely disregard the possibility of meeting French people. A tip is to start doing cultural activities, like taking a course in dance or painting, that might attract both locals and foreigners. There will usually be some locals who are "Discovery people" and are happy to meet newcomers who are foreigners.
Hi. Oh, there are thousands of possibilities. Here's one: the other day I was talking to some friends here who have applied for Portuguese citizenship. They were told it would take something like one year for the application to go through, but now they've been waiting for over two years. They have inquired about it and have been told that their applications are sitting on a pile somewhere and it just depends on how quickly that pile is processed. In the meantime, they can't do anything to speed the process along. And should there turn out to be some problem with their application, they will have to correct that and send it back, which means that it goes back onto some pile, to sit for an indefinite period again.
Thanks for this Gregory. Restacked for those who might not be happy with the outcome of the Florida/Wisconsin elections today. I myself moved countries in November and I am, despite all that it entailed, very happy :o)
"Unfortunately, that is essentially how things are; English is spoken by 1.5 billion people around the globe, thus creating a perceived lack of need for English speakers to learn other languages."
It sounds like you're upset that Americans are able to get by with just speaking English. I would turn this around and say it's *fortunate* that the large number of English speakers make multilingualism unnecessary to get around in much of the world. It's not a "perceived" lack of need, but an *actual* lack of need.
I certainly wouldn't move to another country without learning their language. But I think you're being unnecessarily harsh toward Americans for simply enjoying the convenience of their native tongue being widely spoken.
Nate, I see your point, and yes, having a lingua franca is highly advantageous, but here is the problem: It is very easy for Americans to fail to see the difference between "many people around the world speak English" and "everyone in the world speaks English". This can create a sense of entitlement that is universally perceived as very unpleasant. You say that you wouldn't move to another county without learning the language, and I believe you. But hundreds of thousands of Americans do just that, and it doesn't produce a very positive impression. Quite the opposite.
This was interesting, and quite helpful I should think for folks considering a move -
having lived and worked in Helsinki for parts of nine years (teaching at least one semester each year at Aalto U), the grocery shopping practices do vary a lot from the (commonly?) small town or neighborhood imagined in this essay. In Helsinki, the trams go everywhere (bus is an alt) and walking to shops is not necessary; there are many small neighbourhood grocery stores but there is also Stockmann’s in the city centre with its huge grocery in the basement (everything you might ever want!); I never paid cash even in small groceries and shops, everything was by smart card (and this was back in 2009-2018); the only shop or store I frequented where no one spoke English was the dry cleaner across the street from my flat, and you do not need to even speak for those transactions (you hand them the clothes and they hand you a slip with pickup date circled lol) - life was pretty easy in Helsinki (and the fact I had EU citizenship, Ireland, made things like working there and health care even easier)
Thanks for sharing these experiences, Jack. I agree, Helsinki is pretty much the extreme at one end of the European spectrum (in fact, of many spectra). Scandinavia in general is very modern in terms of things like payment systems (it's shocking for Scandinavians to go no further than Germany and see everyone using cash), and of course in a big city, there are plenty of transportation options, so walking is optional. They also speak a lot of English in Helsinki compared to most cities in Europe. (They also speak a lot of Finnish compared to most cities in Europe!!) It sounds like you had a nice setup there. I hope you enjoyed it.
Loved every minute of it - including the very long darkness days of winter
for the first 4 years I lived in a flat in the oldest part of town down by the water, and on a windy brutally freezing (-25C!) winter day by the water where the sun was shining brightly, it was wonderful
“Being lonely in a new country and lonely in a failing relationship is a recipe for utter misery. There must be a Danish film about this somewhere.”
😀😀😀 Nailed it! 🇩🇰🇩🇰🇩🇰
> or some other English-speaking country.
I can’t think of another *English* speaking country either. Bollocks
I truly appreciate this essay! I have been considering moving abroad for several years as a retiree/writer, but wasn't sure if it was a good fit for me. Your writing truly hits the emotional side of living in a new culture. The partner concern is my biggest obstacle and has kept me from moving forward.
Thank you, Sue! The partner thing IS the elephant in the emigration line, I think. I wish you much luck in figuring it out.
In my humble (and possibly jetlagged) opinion, the most important aspect of adapting to a new country is the person's cultural compatibility with the culture of the new country.
Although the culture of the country of origin is very important, there are people who feel like strangers in their own country, without realizing it, until they come into contact with another culture and suddenly realize that they belong there.
I'm Portuguese, I lived in Germany for a few years (that's where I became fluent in English, don’t ask, please), return and since then I've felt like a foreigner in my own country.
Geert Hofstede, a Dutch social psychologist, did a study on the differences between modern nations and built a website that allows us to compare them. It's an excellent tool for realizing where we're going before we leave and have a deep understand of the new culture
https://geerthofstede.com/country-comparison-bar-charts/
Working in tourism in Lisbon, I have followed the successive waves of emigrants since 2014 out of professional duty and personal curiosity, and if I can give one piece of advice to anyone who wants to move abroad, is reading the failure stories.
They're not so easy to find because few people publish them (it's human nature), but if the success stories inspire us, it's the failure stories that teach us. In the case of Portugal, there are Facebook groups dedicated to the subject and probably much more out there
- The truth about Portugal: Why people leave
- Expats leaving Portugal
Perhaps the reason why the wealthier immigrants (Americans are only a worst case scenario) find it so difficult to adapt... is because they don't need to adapt. They can always pack and go home. Economic migrants? They have no choice, no money, some burn the ships when they left. Refugees? There is no home because their home is the mouth of a shark, as Warsan Shire wrote in Home, the most disturbing poem on migrations.
The chart in your link does not explain what is being measured (what the hell is "power distance"??). After much searching, I found where they are explained: https://geerthofstede.com/culture-geert-hofstede-gert-jan-hofstede/6d-model-of-national-culture/
Paulo, thank you so much for this intelligent and thought-provoking contribution! I know what you mean about finding a culture that matches your values, especially since I feel like that has been a life lesson for me for a long time.
I am very familiar with Hofstede's work, and I agree that it can be helpful—up to a point. The idea of focusing on failure stories is a fascinating one. Thank you for pointing to some sources, since, as you say, these aren't very easy to find.
I think that the point about Americans not needing to adapt because they can leave (or because they feel they can leave) is poignant. I spend a lot of time trying to convince people that they should treat a move abroad as permanent, since that is how you make it work. But not everyone thinks that way.
Again, thanks for your comments!
We have been living off and on in Greece for 12 years. My partner was born in Athens and has property there although he’s a naturalized American citizen now. All of your points struck a cord, especially making friends and not knowing the language. I can handle Italian, French and some German, but Greek is more than a challenge for me at my late age. I am so disturbed by what is happening in the US that the temptation to move is great. However healthcare is always in the back of my mind.The Greeks have a good healthcare system if you know how it works and have the money to get a good doctor, even though medicine is free.
Your article helped me realize the amazing pluses of living in Greece, and even dealing with the bureaucracy, etc., etc. The Greeks are a kind, friendly and joyful people who love life, have a wonderful philosophy of caring for family and neighbors, (except when they’re annoying). It reminds me of the America I grew up in when you knew your neighbors, and lived a life without a garbage disposal, clothes dryer, central air conditioning, etc. etc. A life when we weren’t so spoiled and arrogant.
Thank you again for your article, it made me realize how very lucky I am! Gretchen
Thank you for sharing this, Gretchen. I understand how you feel about the disintegration of community in the US (which I have written about elsewhere). It sound like you do have a viable Plan B option, should you decide to move, which is great. I would say it’s never to late to make a big change, as long as you feel prepared for it!
I enjoyed that as someone who did the journey the other way and spent a few years living in Boston. I’m not sure about the convenience- used to watch the gridlock commuters heading in and out each day by car - and never got used to seeing old ladies crying in the pharmacy because they couldn’t afford all their meds. But - great libraries and beautiful countryside .
Thanks, Jackie. To your point about gridlock: I think that the car-based life is sold to Americans under the rubric of convenience, but of course it can lead to new forms of inconvenience, which are then probably waved away as unavoidable side-effects. “Sitting in traffic for two hours is the price that I pay for the convenience of not having to use public transit!” 😂
This is by far the best, most realistic, and most comprehensive writing I've seen about Americans moving abroad. Thank you for sharing it!
I moved to France 2 1/2 years ago, and truly every single aspect of my life drastically changed. Thankfully, I'm a Discovery Person and pretty optimistic, but even so, the depression and loneliness that followed hallowed me for a bit. Even with a helpful and kind French husband by my side!
I tell everyone asking if they should move abroad: "You will become a stumbling, babbling toddler all over again as soon as you leave your country." It takes a lot of energy, positivity, and strength to build yourself back up to being a confident, stable adult. Boy, is it worth it when it works, though!!!
Thank you, Kelsey! I'm glad to hear that you agree with what I say here, though of course I'm sorry that the transition was (predictably) a difficult one. What you say here echoes a lot of what I wrote in last Friday's mega-essay, which you might also enjoy:
https://livingelsewhere.substack.com/p/how-to-be-a-good-immigrant-10-integration-guidelines
I stumbled on this Substack by accident, and I can see that I'll enjoy it. This post is spot-on with respect to many, many points and deserves careful reading by anyone considering the expat life.
We're sort of expat cousins: I've been living in Brazil since 2017 (this time!) When I was in high school, I went on one of those Easter trips that Catholic high schools used to do (and maybe still do), visiting five of six European countries in three weeks and ending up in Rome for Easter. We landed in Lisbon, I heard people speaking Portuguese on a tour of the Alfama, and I thought, "What a beautiful language -- I have to learn that someday!" The chance came in my Junior year in college, I thrived, and two months after graduation I was in Brazil with the Peace Corps for two years, and another year on my own.
Long story short, I was back and forth repeatedly in the intervening years (and spent some time living in Europe, too), but never expected to live here again, when I got a message over the internet from a smart, handsome -- and very young -- man who changed all my plans. We realized immediately that something magical was happening and went with it, becoming a couple in 2014, marrying in 2017, and here I am.
While retaining my US citizenship, I became a Brazilian citizen in 2019: Bolsonaro became President and had a state objective (never realized) of doing away with same-sex marriage, so I wanted to be sure that even if he succeeded, he wouldn't be able to throw me out. If Bozo returns to power, Portugal in fact is one of our "Plans B", possible since we're both Brazilian citizens.
In closing, I have to say that I think you're a LITTLE hard on Americans for their monolingualism. There's certainly some laziness, but I think that it's mostly a "Big Country Problem". Citizens of big countries don't feel pressure to learn other languages because they don't need to. Brazil is a good case in point: it's a rigorously monolingual Portuguese-speaking country. My husband is rather exceptional in being multilingual. Most Brazilians never feel a need to speak another language, because they never meet anyone, aside from the occasional tourist, who doesn't speak Portuguese. Most never even get exposed to Spanish; more Americans are probably exposed to Spanish than Brazilians are. Brazil takes up half of South America, and except in the three southernmost states, most Brazilians don't live anywhere near Spanish speakers. Big country problem!
Hello, cousin Al! Welcome to Living Elsewhere. Your story sounds very interesting, and yes, a bit like mine. I hope that things in Brazil will remain more stable than things in the US (who could ever imagine that I would write that!).
You bring up a good point: monolingualism is indeed a "big country problem". I actually just spent the weekend with some Spaniards, who said that Spanish people envy the Portuguese for their multilingualism. But of course there are many parts of Spain where most people do speak two languages—so multilingualism is actually quite common. If I am hard on the Americans, I suppose it's because that's my primary audience—I could be hard on the Brazilians, too, if they were suddenly wanting to move to France and speak Portuguese. Since my substack is about living across cultures, it's aimed at the people who really _should_ accept that they need to speak other languages. I get that those who never even dream of leaving Nebraska or Minas Gerais don't need to be multilingual, and that's perfectly OK, I would say.
Very comprehensive. We moved to Nice, France recently and are working through the French bureaucracy and cultural differences on a daily basis. Have had to hire an administrative assistant to help and are slowly adjusting to the cramped apartment. One advantage a city like Nice has is plenty of Americans. Can't imagine trying to make "French" friends, they are much too busy with their own lives and families. The Americans though are eager to connect. Starting French language school in the Summer. Wish us luck!
Good luck, Kel! It sounds like you are tackling your new life with vigor. Absolutely, make friends with the local Americans and other foreigners, but don't completely disregard the possibility of meeting French people. A tip is to start doing cultural activities, like taking a course in dance or painting, that might attract both locals and foreigners. There will usually be some locals who are "Discovery people" and are happy to meet newcomers who are foreigners.
My drawing and art skills are soooo much worse than my French!
Perfect: Take a class, and they'll tell you they are impressed by your French! 😂
Excellent. The basics to really think through before you “Donald Dash”…
Great article! I’m curious to hear an example or anecdote of the kind of setbacks you are talking about in point #2?
Hi. Oh, there are thousands of possibilities. Here's one: the other day I was talking to some friends here who have applied for Portuguese citizenship. They were told it would take something like one year for the application to go through, but now they've been waiting for over two years. They have inquired about it and have been told that their applications are sitting on a pile somewhere and it just depends on how quickly that pile is processed. In the meantime, they can't do anything to speed the process along. And should there turn out to be some problem with their application, they will have to correct that and send it back, which means that it goes back onto some pile, to sit for an indefinite period again.
Wonderful article! Thank you!
I intended to move to Italy full-time but I found doing a 50-50 split is my sweet spot.
Read about my adventure on Wisdom She Wrote.
https://open.substack.com/pub/wisdomshewrote/p/from-dreams-to-a-living-reality-palermo?r=8sqi0&utm_medium=ios
Thanks for this Gregory. Restacked for those who might not be happy with the outcome of the Florida/Wisconsin elections today. I myself moved countries in November and I am, despite all that it entailed, very happy :o)
Did it eight years ago and just became a citizen last year.
Congrats, Joe!
Thanks!
"Unfortunately, that is essentially how things are; English is spoken by 1.5 billion people around the globe, thus creating a perceived lack of need for English speakers to learn other languages."
It sounds like you're upset that Americans are able to get by with just speaking English. I would turn this around and say it's *fortunate* that the large number of English speakers make multilingualism unnecessary to get around in much of the world. It's not a "perceived" lack of need, but an *actual* lack of need.
I certainly wouldn't move to another country without learning their language. But I think you're being unnecessarily harsh toward Americans for simply enjoying the convenience of their native tongue being widely spoken.
Nate, I see your point, and yes, having a lingua franca is highly advantageous, but here is the problem: It is very easy for Americans to fail to see the difference between "many people around the world speak English" and "everyone in the world speaks English". This can create a sense of entitlement that is universally perceived as very unpleasant. You say that you wouldn't move to another county without learning the language, and I believe you. But hundreds of thousands of Americans do just that, and it doesn't produce a very positive impression. Quite the opposite.
This was interesting, and quite helpful I should think for folks considering a move -
having lived and worked in Helsinki for parts of nine years (teaching at least one semester each year at Aalto U), the grocery shopping practices do vary a lot from the (commonly?) small town or neighborhood imagined in this essay. In Helsinki, the trams go everywhere (bus is an alt) and walking to shops is not necessary; there are many small neighbourhood grocery stores but there is also Stockmann’s in the city centre with its huge grocery in the basement (everything you might ever want!); I never paid cash even in small groceries and shops, everything was by smart card (and this was back in 2009-2018); the only shop or store I frequented where no one spoke English was the dry cleaner across the street from my flat, and you do not need to even speak for those transactions (you hand them the clothes and they hand you a slip with pickup date circled lol) - life was pretty easy in Helsinki (and the fact I had EU citizenship, Ireland, made things like working there and health care even easier)
Thanks for sharing these experiences, Jack. I agree, Helsinki is pretty much the extreme at one end of the European spectrum (in fact, of many spectra). Scandinavia in general is very modern in terms of things like payment systems (it's shocking for Scandinavians to go no further than Germany and see everyone using cash), and of course in a big city, there are plenty of transportation options, so walking is optional. They also speak a lot of English in Helsinki compared to most cities in Europe. (They also speak a lot of Finnish compared to most cities in Europe!!) It sounds like you had a nice setup there. I hope you enjoyed it.
Loved every minute of it - including the very long darkness days of winter
for the first 4 years I lived in a flat in the oldest part of town down by the water, and on a windy brutally freezing (-25C!) winter day by the water where the sun was shining brightly, it was wonderful