Love the essay and the topic. One of my favorite questions to ask couples (whom I don't know well) is "How did you two meet?" Couples love talking about how they've met. Relaxes everyone, I've found, because it's usually a topic they cherish. I also love asking elderly people questions about their life. It always kinda makes me teary, thinking about elderly people wanting to relive their memories but not having much of an opportunity to do so. Again, I really like your pictures. Two in particular stood out. The first one is so lovely. I wonder where that is. And two of the people seated at the table having a conversation are my friends Helen and John. Small world!
Thanks, Regina! Have you ever found that the "how did you meet" question becomes awkward with people who met in a dating app? I know people my age who still think that's a horribly unromantic way to meet people. For that reason, some people are hesitant to admit that that's how they met.
As for the photos, the first one was taken here in Lisbon, in a restaurant I know, near the castle. And the second is from my birthday dinner last year, which John and Helen attended. (They are good friends and gave their permission for me to use this photo, although they tried to argue that they should get a cut of the profits, so maybe they're not good friends after all...) But it's not really a case of "small world", though, since you're reading my substack on their recommendation, right?
You were thinking that I would make a great therapist, or that you needed to check out the skin in front of your ear? 🤨 (Or Karen's ear—though that seems far-fetched.)
Excellent piece. When you write about compliments in a later instalment, will you talk about compliments and face? I had not really reflected on that – always taking it for granted that compliments are unambiguously positive and that receiving them makes people feel good – until I read Janet Holmes on compliments anfd realised that it is a really complex matter. (Unfortunately it is one of those areas of linguistic research that lends itself to creating labels for people. As you know, when any kind of research is reported on in the press, "x is typical for y group of people" becomes "y group of people do x", leading to "oh, you belong to y group, that means you do x". But Holmes obviously doesn't say that, and I find her research very interesting. (Not interesting-I-don't-believe-it, but interesting-interesting 😛))
Thank you, Linnéa! Yes, I will talk about compliments and face. Compliments can indeed be very tricky—and at the risk of doing that "y group of people do x" thing that you mention, I would say that that is why Swedes very generally tend to avoid them. One always runs several risks when complimenting, so anyone who is strongly risk-averse may decide it's not worth it. Except that, in my view, it is.
And yes, Janet Holmes' work is great. You have excellent taste! (See the compliment there? 😜)
Great point. The essential thing in the art of conversation is listening.
So many people miss this.
Love the essay and the topic. One of my favorite questions to ask couples (whom I don't know well) is "How did you two meet?" Couples love talking about how they've met. Relaxes everyone, I've found, because it's usually a topic they cherish. I also love asking elderly people questions about their life. It always kinda makes me teary, thinking about elderly people wanting to relive their memories but not having much of an opportunity to do so. Again, I really like your pictures. Two in particular stood out. The first one is so lovely. I wonder where that is. And two of the people seated at the table having a conversation are my friends Helen and John. Small world!
Thanks, Regina! Have you ever found that the "how did you meet" question becomes awkward with people who met in a dating app? I know people my age who still think that's a horribly unromantic way to meet people. For that reason, some people are hesitant to admit that that's how they met.
As for the photos, the first one was taken here in Lisbon, in a restaurant I know, near the castle. And the second is from my birthday dinner last year, which John and Helen attended. (They are good friends and gave their permission for me to use this photo, although they tried to argue that they should get a cut of the profits, so maybe they're not good friends after all...) But it's not really a case of "small world", though, since you're reading my substack on their recommendation, right?
I can't remember how I found you. Seems like there are several ppl in Portugal with common connections. Maybe I need to come to Portugal.
Helen recommended you to me, and me to you. And yes, there are lots of cool people here in Portugal—you should visit!
I’m about to get up to go look at the skin in front of my ear, but first wanted to say that it sounds like you’d make a great therapist!
I was thinking the same thing.
You were thinking that I would make a great therapist, or that you needed to check out the skin in front of your ear? 🤨 (Or Karen's ear—though that seems far-fetched.)
Ha. Definitely the former.
Thanks, Karen! Would you like to know how that makes me feel? 😉
Yes and then I’d also like to validate, normalize, and empathize with whatever you tell me. Haha.
Excellent piece. When you write about compliments in a later instalment, will you talk about compliments and face? I had not really reflected on that – always taking it for granted that compliments are unambiguously positive and that receiving them makes people feel good – until I read Janet Holmes on compliments anfd realised that it is a really complex matter. (Unfortunately it is one of those areas of linguistic research that lends itself to creating labels for people. As you know, when any kind of research is reported on in the press, "x is typical for y group of people" becomes "y group of people do x", leading to "oh, you belong to y group, that means you do x". But Holmes obviously doesn't say that, and I find her research very interesting. (Not interesting-I-don't-believe-it, but interesting-interesting 😛))
Thank you, Linnéa! Yes, I will talk about compliments and face. Compliments can indeed be very tricky—and at the risk of doing that "y group of people do x" thing that you mention, I would say that that is why Swedes very generally tend to avoid them. One always runs several risks when complimenting, so anyone who is strongly risk-averse may decide it's not worth it. Except that, in my view, it is.
And yes, Janet Holmes' work is great. You have excellent taste! (See the compliment there? 😜)