This made me laugh so hard, and cry a little inside. We moved to Belgium with our car, which was made in South Africa for the US market. I couldn’t possibly write anything as entertaining as your account, but the experience (down to ‘homologation’) was similar and it took us 13 months!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Welcome to Living Elsewhere. I can only imagine what it was like registering your car in Belgium... in only 13 months. Wow!
This post left me speechless with dismay and trepidation. My h just remarked, hey let's get an electric car and I, fresh off your essay, practically screamed NAO NADA NUNCA NENHUM. (when I get excited and can't find the correct Portuguese palavra, I just say 'em all)
Ha! I'm pleased to have provoked such visceral reactions in at least one reader, Sandra! To be fair, if your partner wants to buy a car here in Portugal, I'm sure it would be easier than bringing one into the country. And there are always people who will help you, for a fee. But yeah... bureaucracy—não nada nunca nenhum! 😜
My parents in law - who live in Britain - asked if we want their old car (a very kind gesture!) and seeing how expensive secondhand cars are in Portugal, we said sure. We asked the company who helped us gain Portuguese residency how much it would cost to get help with registering the car and they said €600. That should have been my first clue as to how complicated is. Now I know for sure! I think that car will be staying in Britain.
Butting in here (uninvited, but as Gregory's ex, also somewhat informed about the process) -given that UK is not in EU anymore, importing may be more expensive- also, you would first need to pay to transfer the car into your name, already in the UK, so that would cost you- Gregory, you may remember you got off paying some hefty import fee as this was your car for a while before importing it? Now, if you get the car for free from your in-laws, you it would probably be cheaper in the end- but also, only if the car is new enough to pass some low emissions zone laws (though I am not sure we were ask to register for this in Lisbon, I know we had to in Barcelona). But if you do go ahead, you have material for an excellent substack post.
Thanks, Liza. You raise good points. Yes, Charlie, you have to be able to prove that the car was already yours before it left the UK (and they will ask you for the date of acquisition!). And yes, there are fairly strict regulations about emissions here, so depending on how old the car is, it may not even pass.
All in all, I think the only pro of accepting your parents-in-law's offer is that it would create an opportunity to contribute to the fast-growing Substack genre of Portuguese bureaucratic horror stories. 😉
Hi Charlie! Yeah, I would hesitate to take them up on their offer. But that said, here is what you could do: Find a used car in Portugal that you might want to buy, and take its price as a benchmark. Then compare that to the cost of your parents-in-law's car (which is zero) plus the €600 to get it registered (a good investment, IMHO), plus the other fees that you would have to pay (ask the people who you would hire what those are—they may not be covered in the €600), plus the cost of actually getting the car to Portugal. If it's old enough, it could actually conk out somewhere near Bordeaux, which I would take a sign that it was time to do some serious wine shopping! Let me know how it goes!
Thank you, Andrew! I think that the job of a writer is sometimes like that of an alchemist: to turn something awful into something delightful. I’m so glad you liked the result.
Well, that post is quite a ride! "Certificate of Conformity" has a wonderfully Orwellian ring to it. Also wonderful is the phrase "nonstop parking." How clever of those Germans to find a way to park without stopping.
Yes, the language of bureaucracy (or BURSPEAK) is truly something else. Thinking about it now, I wonder whether the "Nonstop Parking" garage may have been in Prague. But I was definitely in Berlin when I talked about it with my friend Nick. I remember the street we were on near Alexanderplatz when he became incapacitated by laughter. The gold old days...
“Sure enough, she decided that she liked me and was going to help me.” That has happened to us several times, like Ted being of Greek descent and my snarky email address, turned it all around when we went to get our SNS number. Thanks for sharing your Portuguese car odyssey and congratulations for making it through feeling a little more Portuguese.
Congratulations on the successful completion of your epic quest! And even more, kudos for weaving your tale of navigating the maze of bureaucracy without even once resorting to the use of the term "Kafkaesque"--such admirable restraint!
Thanks! But you know, Alex, another person here (@frankmoore1) wrote something the other day about Portuguese bureaucracy: "It is a bureaucracy that is Kafkaesque at times, but without the malice." I thought this was exactly right. Bureaucrats here see themselves as also victims of the chaos. In other words, their perspective is "this is something that is happening to us" rather than "this is something I am doing to you".
Thanks Gregory, I loved that! It was hilarious! I feel your pain. You are a patient man, I would have cried at the first barrier, or maybe the second, or maybe I would have decided Italy wasn’t so bad after all. Kudos to you!
.....yikes. Congratulations on making it relatively unscathed though the process (also, is it a coincidence that CoC also refers to the Call of Cthulhu? I think not, the whole thing seems positively eldritch and non-Euclidean.)
Thanks, Linnéa! I'm sure it's not a coincidence. By the way, did I tell you that I read a collection of Lovecraft-inspired stories set in Lisbon? Interesting stuff. I would recommend it to you, but it's in Portuguese. 🫤
This made me laugh so hard, and cry a little inside. We moved to Belgium with our car, which was made in South Africa for the US market. I couldn’t possibly write anything as entertaining as your account, but the experience (down to ‘homologation’) was similar and it took us 13 months!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Welcome to Living Elsewhere. I can only imagine what it was like registering your car in Belgium... in only 13 months. Wow!
I love your writing. You are hilarious. 😀
Wow, thank you, Joy! Some people just think I'm a pain. I will take hilarious any day! 🥰
This post left me speechless with dismay and trepidation. My h just remarked, hey let's get an electric car and I, fresh off your essay, practically screamed NAO NADA NUNCA NENHUM. (when I get excited and can't find the correct Portuguese palavra, I just say 'em all)
Ha! I'm pleased to have provoked such visceral reactions in at least one reader, Sandra! To be fair, if your partner wants to buy a car here in Portugal, I'm sure it would be easier than bringing one into the country. And there are always people who will help you, for a fee. But yeah... bureaucracy—não nada nunca nenhum! 😜
My parents in law - who live in Britain - asked if we want their old car (a very kind gesture!) and seeing how expensive secondhand cars are in Portugal, we said sure. We asked the company who helped us gain Portuguese residency how much it would cost to get help with registering the car and they said €600. That should have been my first clue as to how complicated is. Now I know for sure! I think that car will be staying in Britain.
Butting in here (uninvited, but as Gregory's ex, also somewhat informed about the process) -given that UK is not in EU anymore, importing may be more expensive- also, you would first need to pay to transfer the car into your name, already in the UK, so that would cost you- Gregory, you may remember you got off paying some hefty import fee as this was your car for a while before importing it? Now, if you get the car for free from your in-laws, you it would probably be cheaper in the end- but also, only if the car is new enough to pass some low emissions zone laws (though I am not sure we were ask to register for this in Lisbon, I know we had to in Barcelona). But if you do go ahead, you have material for an excellent substack post.
Thanks, Liza. You raise good points. Yes, Charlie, you have to be able to prove that the car was already yours before it left the UK (and they will ask you for the date of acquisition!). And yes, there are fairly strict regulations about emissions here, so depending on how old the car is, it may not even pass.
All in all, I think the only pro of accepting your parents-in-law's offer is that it would create an opportunity to contribute to the fast-growing Substack genre of Portuguese bureaucratic horror stories. 😉
Hi Charlie! Yeah, I would hesitate to take them up on their offer. But that said, here is what you could do: Find a used car in Portugal that you might want to buy, and take its price as a benchmark. Then compare that to the cost of your parents-in-law's car (which is zero) plus the €600 to get it registered (a good investment, IMHO), plus the other fees that you would have to pay (ask the people who you would hire what those are—they may not be covered in the €600), plus the cost of actually getting the car to Portugal. If it's old enough, it could actually conk out somewhere near Bordeaux, which I would take a sign that it was time to do some serious wine shopping! Let me know how it goes!
Just delightful. Well, to read. Agonizing to experience, I’m sure, but the right outlook to get the right outcome.
Thank you, Andrew! I think that the job of a writer is sometimes like that of an alchemist: to turn something awful into something delightful. I’m so glad you liked the result.
Well, that post is quite a ride! "Certificate of Conformity" has a wonderfully Orwellian ring to it. Also wonderful is the phrase "nonstop parking." How clever of those Germans to find a way to park without stopping.
Yes, the language of bureaucracy (or BURSPEAK) is truly something else. Thinking about it now, I wonder whether the "Nonstop Parking" garage may have been in Prague. But I was definitely in Berlin when I talked about it with my friend Nick. I remember the street we were on near Alexanderplatz when he became incapacitated by laughter. The gold old days...
“Sure enough, she decided that she liked me and was going to help me.” That has happened to us several times, like Ted being of Greek descent and my snarky email address, turned it all around when we went to get our SNS number. Thanks for sharing your Portuguese car odyssey and congratulations for making it through feeling a little more Portuguese.
Thanks, Maria! I'm glad (and also maybe sorry) that you can relate!
Yes, I’ll sign up for that road trip. 😀
Congratulations on the successful completion of your epic quest! And even more, kudos for weaving your tale of navigating the maze of bureaucracy without even once resorting to the use of the term "Kafkaesque"--such admirable restraint!
Thanks! But you know, Alex, another person here (@frankmoore1) wrote something the other day about Portuguese bureaucracy: "It is a bureaucracy that is Kafkaesque at times, but without the malice." I thought this was exactly right. Bureaucrats here see themselves as also victims of the chaos. In other words, their perspective is "this is something that is happening to us" rather than "this is something I am doing to you".
Thanks Gregory, I loved that! It was hilarious! I feel your pain. You are a patient man, I would have cried at the first barrier, or maybe the second, or maybe I would have decided Italy wasn’t so bad after all. Kudos to you!
Thanks, Pam! But who says I didn't cry? And Italy, from what I hear, is actually _worse_ than Portugal.
.....yikes. Congratulations on making it relatively unscathed though the process (also, is it a coincidence that CoC also refers to the Call of Cthulhu? I think not, the whole thing seems positively eldritch and non-Euclidean.)
Thanks, Linnéa! I'm sure it's not a coincidence. By the way, did I tell you that I read a collection of Lovecraft-inspired stories set in Lisbon? Interesting stuff. I would recommend it to you, but it's in Portuguese. 🫤
That's rather cool! I guess I should start learning Portuguese. (Do the cultists chant "iä! iä! atrib inic mat nac ripos!"?)
Marvelous account, and may your sense of humor continue to accompany you on these adventures!
Yes, that is precisely what they do! And then they eat sardines.
😆