ok so this post is making me think about the thing i'm most afraid of when it comes to moving abroad, which is how deeply and passionately i love the english language. if i can't speak the native language well enough, how will the people know how funny and charming and clever i can be? :) how can we share in language play, which is one of my favorite parts of life? how can we laugh at dick and his pics if we don't both get the joke? and so can i truly know someone and can they truly know me if we don't share proficiency of language? then it's like, what does it even mean to know someone? we already project all sorts of crap onto people even when we do speak the same language - we assume all of our experiences and understanding of a word are shared by the person we're talking to and we're both operating from the same definition but i've actually found in my work as a couples therapist that it's rarely true - the same word means vastly different things to each person, even though we share a technical definition in the language. so then what happens when one or both people are not proficient in each other's languages? it all becomes an ontological conundrum if i think about this too much, which leads me down a rabbit hole of fear of feeling disconnected/lonely in a country where i can't express myself using english. (whoops that was a long thought!)
Wow you can make clever puns in Swedish and Portuguese?! That’s incredible! As my daughter would put it, #goals. I love that. I was watching a YouTube video today on Lisbon and they were talking about the word “saudade” as a characteristic of fado and it gave me a little thrill to learn the word and realize that my love of English can transcend beyond it to other languages. Seems obvious but it was a bit of a revelation for me. Maybe my melancholic temperament is why the word resonated so much, ha. Anyway thx so much for your thoughtful response and I look forward to reading your essay on this when you write it. Here’s to extremely clever puns in other languages! :)
Karen, you bring up an extremely important point here. It's actually one that I hope to write an essay about sometime. Language is a very important part of our identity, and that is especially true for those of us who do work that uses language as a tool of the trade, such as writing or therapy. Being displaced to another culture can mean retraining to learn to use a totally different tool. This is one of the reasons why I put so much emphasis on language learning when I write about the expat experience (so many others gloss over it, as though it were a detail).
What can I say? Yes, it sucks when you can't be as witty or as charming as you are used to being. I have this experience every single day. On the other hand, this can serve as an incentive to really learn the language. I am now able to make extremely clever puns in languages like Swedish and Portuguese—and the effect is magnified by the fact that I am a second-language speaker. People are VERY impressed when I pull it off. So there are bright sides to this otherwise very painful area of alienation.
My best tip: Don't ditch your current friends. Make sure you have an open channel to them, even if they are far away.
I kept a piece of packaging from a toilet tissue brand in Turkey called "Glob."
Also, when I lived in Turkey, the disposable diaper brand was "Popi" a little too close to "poopy" for me.
Those are great, Dustye!
ok so this post is making me think about the thing i'm most afraid of when it comes to moving abroad, which is how deeply and passionately i love the english language. if i can't speak the native language well enough, how will the people know how funny and charming and clever i can be? :) how can we share in language play, which is one of my favorite parts of life? how can we laugh at dick and his pics if we don't both get the joke? and so can i truly know someone and can they truly know me if we don't share proficiency of language? then it's like, what does it even mean to know someone? we already project all sorts of crap onto people even when we do speak the same language - we assume all of our experiences and understanding of a word are shared by the person we're talking to and we're both operating from the same definition but i've actually found in my work as a couples therapist that it's rarely true - the same word means vastly different things to each person, even though we share a technical definition in the language. so then what happens when one or both people are not proficient in each other's languages? it all becomes an ontological conundrum if i think about this too much, which leads me down a rabbit hole of fear of feeling disconnected/lonely in a country where i can't express myself using english. (whoops that was a long thought!)
Wow you can make clever puns in Swedish and Portuguese?! That’s incredible! As my daughter would put it, #goals. I love that. I was watching a YouTube video today on Lisbon and they were talking about the word “saudade” as a characteristic of fado and it gave me a little thrill to learn the word and realize that my love of English can transcend beyond it to other languages. Seems obvious but it was a bit of a revelation for me. Maybe my melancholic temperament is why the word resonated so much, ha. Anyway thx so much for your thoughtful response and I look forward to reading your essay on this when you write it. Here’s to extremely clever puns in other languages! :)
Karen, you bring up an extremely important point here. It's actually one that I hope to write an essay about sometime. Language is a very important part of our identity, and that is especially true for those of us who do work that uses language as a tool of the trade, such as writing or therapy. Being displaced to another culture can mean retraining to learn to use a totally different tool. This is one of the reasons why I put so much emphasis on language learning when I write about the expat experience (so many others gloss over it, as though it were a detail).
What can I say? Yes, it sucks when you can't be as witty or as charming as you are used to being. I have this experience every single day. On the other hand, this can serve as an incentive to really learn the language. I am now able to make extremely clever puns in languages like Swedish and Portuguese—and the effect is magnified by the fact that I am a second-language speaker. People are VERY impressed when I pull it off. So there are bright sides to this otherwise very painful area of alienation.
My best tip: Don't ditch your current friends. Make sure you have an open channel to them, even if they are far away.
all of which is to say, i'd be curious how you navigate/relate to this.